My first love...

Christopher was the first.  He was the one that convinced me that I could be a mother, in spite of all of my flaws.  He was my world for his first two years.  I remember going back to work after 2 months of being home with him and crying non-stop the first night.  It was so hard to leave.  I tried finding avenues to work at home - even doing a short stint with Arbitron Radio Ratings making calls from home.  Nothing brought the pay that we needed to survive so I was back at the Furniture Warehouse working night shift. 

One of the benefits of working for a furniture warehouse was the incredible number of large boxes available.  Chris would spend some evenings with me at work while I waited for the drivers to pick up their invoices for the next day.  I would create a whole box city for him to run through.  He loved it and was content for an amazing amount of time.  I'm not sure if my boss knew that Chris was spending so much time with me at work - I think that as long as I got my work done, he just sighed and turned his head.

Chris loved his Johny Jump Up - a contraption that I'm sure has been outlawed in more recent times.  We would hook it up to the doorway and he would jump and swing himself for hours.  Why we never thought about what would happen if the very heavy metal piece came crashing down on his head but apparently ignorance is bliss and God protects fools and children.  We never had a single accident with it.  He was a very easy baby, a quiet little boy, a pensive adolescent, a moody teenager and a self-assured man.  It's been amazing to see him grow and change over the years.

I was 24 when Christopher came along...he helped me to grow up and see what it was to care for someone else.  I had been a very self-absorbed young adult...responsible on the outside, a complete mess on the inside.  Even though I was married, I still didn't really know how to put my life down for someone else.  Chris and I went through ups and downs in his childhood....I made many mistakes (and I'm not just talking about those bangs....).  I learned a lot from him and his continual love for me. 

One of my favorite stories about Chris was from about 9 years ago.  All three boys were flying to Florida to see their Dad for a week.  I flew with them on the way out and then turned around 2 hours later to return to San Diego.  We had a plane change in Atlanta which required going to the complete opposite side of the airport.  As we jumped aboard the shuttle, Chris looked really worried.  I didn't ask for a few minutes, while I struggled to figure out where our next gate was.  After I got us settled, I asked him what he was thinking about.  He looked up, concerned, and said, "Mom, I don't thing I'm going to be able to get my brothers to the right plane on the way back...".  After giving him a very long hug, I assured him that they would be escorted from one plane to the next.  I came away, however, knowing that there was sense of responsibility growing in him with being the oldest.  This came out several other times in years earlier....once when he saw a dresser toppling on his little brother and put himself under it to protect him and another time when he pulled Matthew out of the pool when he fell in.  Glimpses of the man he would become.  Chris had many struggles as a child - some things that he was handed that just weren't fair.  Always, though, I knew that he would be OK...and I look at him now....and know that my intuition was right.